SM Marketing: Lessons from Dating.

A conversation re: online comment moderation today got me thinking about how things I’ve learned from dating and relationships apply to social media, specifically from a marketing standpoint.

The key 4 relationship lessons that help with SM marketing?

What you mean matters far less than how your words are interpreted. As someone who often lets his mouth get ahead of him in social situations, this is something that took me a long time to learn: you will be held accountable for every possible interpretation of the things you say, no matter how extreme. It doesn’t matter what your intent is, your words and actions will be judged, often in a vacuum from their original context. And when that happens, you are the bad guy - intent doesn’t excuse doing something that is construed as a betrayal or insult.
Your strategy in every dispute needs to begin with the question “Which is more important, winning this argument, or doing what’s best for the relationship?” It’s natural to put winning first, especially in situations where the other person is at fault (in your perspective.) But often, winning the argument is less important than taking the chance to salvage or strengthen a relationship. This is the essence of compromise, but it’s also important that both options are considered. It’s easy to also enter a mediation mindset, but some arguments or attitudes should be judged and dealt with harshly. Never abandon that option, but be prepared for backlash if it’s exercised.
If you don’t acknowledge dealbreakers now, you’ll just look crazy later. There is a tendency early on in any relationship to let things slide, but the question is for how long? I’ve seen a lot of people tolerate a habit, or behaviour for months or years, and the suddenly say something when they reach a breaking point. The problem is, from the POV of the other party, the only thing that has changed is your reaction, and your rules. By not commenting, you passively encourage behaviour. Instead, make rules, explain and amend them publicly, and stick to them. It’s a more fair, and less stressful option.
Only one of you can be crazy at a time. (This advice courtesy my mother.) My mom explains the success of her marriage with my dad as a consequence of rules like this. In any relationship, sometimes one party is going to be irrational. This is inevitable, and often necessary. The key is to be understanding, and take turns. In a marketing capacity, a company being ‘irrational’ can be a completely external judgment of a valid business decision, or it can be an unexplained failure (the failwhale is a great example). To weather these situations, two things are essential. First you need to demonstrate rationality - explain what is going on, why, and how you plan on fixing it to better represent the interests of the community. Second, build cred by being sane when they need you to - when the community tears you a new one for something that isn’t your fault, be good about it. When someone lashes out because they can’t figure out something relatively simple, be the voice of reason. Sometimes you aren’t allowed to be crazy, because it’s their turn - an example is re-scheduling vacations or downtime so that you can serve a community need. Being the sane one can suck sometimes, but is often worth the sacrifice.

When it comes to dating, or to long term relationships, these have been my rules for the last several years. I’m sure you have different, equally hard won wisdom, but I’m also sure it probably still relates to social media strategy and best practices.